Saying No is Really Saying Yes
posted by Sarah Chia
Last night, my husband and I used a Groupon at a local ice cream place to celebrate Valentine’s Day. We spent $5 on it and enjoyed some mammoth waffle cones to show each other our mammoth-sized love. As we sat there and talked, we reminisced that our dating life typically consists of coffee or ice cream dates, with the occasional Chinese meal thrown into the mix. And we realized that a small monthly date budget was the culprit. There aren’t many options out there for $20 a month. Throw in that we were using a church program for our free babysitting, and you have a sparse limit for both time and money.
So, we settled for cheap, quick dates.
But really… we weren’t settling at all. Because even though an expensive, fancy dinner is nice for me on occasion, it’s not what is truly valuable to us.
My husband and I have set our priorities, and those include having me stay out of the work force in order to home-educate our children. Now, I have a college education and experience both in the legal field and in teaching. I feel confident that I could go outside the home and earn a comfortable salary that, when added to my husband’s, would allow us a fair amount of luxury. For that matter, my husband could be more career-focused and climb the corporate ladder, resulting in more pay (and more hours).
But at what sacrifice? We say “no” to the extra money because we say “yes” to strong family relationships and challenging education.
We say “no” expensive dates because we say “yes” to more time together.
What are you saying “yes” to? What do you have to say “no” to in order to say “yes”?
Comments
Hi Sarah, I say good for you and your husband for saying no to this modern world of enough is never enough, and saying yes to what really matters. I stopped going out to work when my kids were born and I only worked part time off and on once they went to school. This is a rare thing these days.
Now both my children are nearly off my hands and I still do not intend to go out to work. My husband has a good job that easily pays the bills with the odd fancy dinner thrown in, so why take employment from someone who might need it. We don’t need a mansion to live in filled with clutter so why work ourselves to death to pay for one.
I am a blogger (not for money but out of a desire to help others) and I do a little volunteer work outside of home. I feel good about that, even if people look at me like I have two heads when they ask the inevitable ~ “What do you do?”.
Ah, yes! The lovely “what do you do?” question. I go ahead and answer it honestly and say, “I stay home to educate my children.”
Of course, sometimes people ask it differently, by saying, “Where do you work?” And while I could say, “I work at home,” I kind of like the snarky response my mom used to give, which was, “Oh, I don’t have to work. My husband makes enough money for both of us.” hahaha
Our choices indicate our priorities. Therefore, our priorities determine when we say yes. Unfortunately, the top priority for many adults is acceptance, so they say yes to everything that comes along without thinking about the fact that saying yes to a friend means saying no to a child.
When we use a simple thinking process (I call it the TILE process in What If Thinking – http://goo.gl/yjw9B), we can quickly determine the consequences of a decision and avoid some of the chaos that results from making bad decisions.
I find this to be my biggest key to happiness. Namely, recognizing that everything I don’t have is the result of a choice I made to have something else. So for example, you don’t have more luxurious dates because you choose to have more quality time with your family (or something like that). When you just look at what you don’t have it can get pretty depressing, feel like your life is out of your control. But when you instead remember the choice you made then instead of depressed you will feel empowered, in total control of your life.
I do not have ready access to great food and entertainment like I did when I lived in the city, but I know I willingly traded that for the peace and beauty of the country. I do not have the huge disposable income I used to have; I chose to trade it for two beautiful children and the opportunity to spend hours every day helping them grow. Heck, I don’t get to have ice cream after dinner because I chose instead to have fries with lunch. These are my choices, made with knowledge and intent. How can I complain?
[...] Saying No is Really Saying Yes by Guy Named Dave [...]
I love your conclusion of empowerment. I’m not sure that I’ve thought of it that way before, but yes. That’s what it is. You are in control of the choices that you’re making. It definitely can lead to a feeling of satisfaction and contentment.